If you call the implement dealer and he recognizes your voice:
If the vet’s number is on the speed dial of your phone:
If you know how to change the flat on your car, but can’t
because the spare is on a flatbed:
If your second vehicle is still a pickup:
If the folks in the Emergency Room have a pool going for your kids
and it involves the type of injury and when it will occur:
If your husband has ever used field equipment to maintain your
yard:
If you’re in the habit of buying foodstuffs in bulk:
If a "night out" involves the local 4-H club:
If the word "auction" makes you tingle:
If you’ve ever washed your kids or the dishes with a pressure
washer:
If "picking rock" is considered a chance to get out of the
house:
If "wild game" reminds you of dinner and not the bedroom:
If "a little bit of lunch" involves 6 courses and a dessert
made from scratch:
If the "fresh ingredients" your recipe calls for reminds
you to do the chores:
If taking lunch to the field is as close as you get to a picnic:
If that pail with a hole in it is a flowerpot in the making:
If your rock garden was hand-picked:
If you can mend a pair of pants and the fence that ripped them:
If you’re on the lookout for new uses for "Jell-O":
If the shopping list in your purse includes the sizes of filters,
tires, overalls, chains, belts, lights, cables, spark plugs or shotgun shells:
If "Farm", "Ranch", "Country",
"Cowboy" or "Antique" is in the name of your favorite magazine:
If your tan lines are somewhere below your shoulder and above your
elbow:
If "Lacey" or "Frilly" refers to a farm animal
but not your nightgown:
If you ever went on a date to the rodeo:
If you’ve ever been grateful for fingernail polish, because it
hides the dirt under your nails:
If you’ve ever called your husband to supper, using a radio:
If you buy antiques because they match the rest of your furniture:
If being taken out to dinner has ever included a talk by a seed corn
dealer:
If your driveway is longer than a stone’s throw:
If your mailbox looks like a piece of farm machinery:
If your kids’ wading pool has ever doubled as a stock tank, or
vice versa:
If the daily paper is always a day late:
If you have a yard, but not a lawn:
If you have lots of machinery and each piece
is worth more than your house:
If the leaky barn roof gets fixed, before the
leaky house roof:
If duct tape is always on your shopping list:
If the neighbor’s house is best viewed with binoculars:
If the directions to your house include the words,
"miles," "silos," "last," or "gravel road":
If the tractor and the combine have air conditioning and an FM radio
but your car doesn’t:
If your storage shed is a barn:
If you measure travel in miles not minutes:
If your farm equipment has the latest global positioning technology
and you still can’t find your husband:
If you consider "hot dish" a food group:
If your husband says, "Can you help me for a few minutes?"
and you know that might be anywhere from a few minutes to six hours:
If you plan your vacations around farm shows:
If Zaa Zaa Gabor is on your list of "Most Admired Persons":
If grass stains are the least of your laundry problems:
If your refrigerator contains medicine, livestock medicine:
If your car’s color is two-toned and one color is gravel road
brown:
If you knew everyone in your high school:
If you’ve ever grown your own wall decorations:
If you’ve entertained the romantic notion of living in an old,
country farmhouse with a fireplace, but gave it up because firsthand experience tells you
that it’s cold, drafty, smoky and sooty:
If you use newspapers to help keep the kitchen floor clean:
If you’ve ever said, "Oh, it’s only a little
mud.":
If you need a pair of vice grips to run a household appliance:
If your husband gave you flowers, but you had to plant the seeds
yourself:
If you've used the loader to reach the windows when they needed
washing:
If you’ve ever used a broom to shoo a critter:
If you’ve ever discovered a batch of kittens in your laundry
basket:
If dinner is at noon and lunch is before and after dinner:
If you don't need the recipe to make Rice Krispies bars:
If you shovel the sidewalk, with a skidsteer loader:
If you can find a use for that old tractor
seat:
If you've ever found mice in the underwear
drawer:
If quality time with your hubby means you'll
have a flashlight in one hand and a wrench in the other:
If you know the difference between field corn
and sweet corn:
If you buy your husband's "dress" socks at
Campbell's Supply:
If family "pets" include deer,
coons, squirrels, foxes or birds:
If you can make a meal that can be ready in
six minutes and will still be ready in two hours:
If your basement is really a cellar:
If "sharing a cab" has nothing to do with a taxi and
everything to do with getting across the field: